Jared+Jesse+Sam+Gabe: Mom

I was thinking that many people don't know what happened with my mother. It all happened so quickly and I haven't had the time to tell the story to everyone, so here it is.
In March, and probably a lot longer, my mom was having a pain in her back. It got bad enough she finally went to see a doctor. She was uninsured, which was part of her reluctance to see a doctor, but she also was so strong that she just dealt with things and didn't complain. They first did some blood tests, the only abnormal thing was a high white blood cell count. They thought it was probably an infection in her colon and did some tests (MRI/CT). They didn't find what they thought it would be, but something else. They found a 6cm mass in her lower left back where her pain was. It had done severe damage to her ribs. When I got that phone call I knew it wasn't good. From then on my life was changed forever. The beginning of April they did a biopsy. I drove up to Dallas from Houston to take her. She wouldn't tell me how bad it was. When I saw her I could tell she was much worse off than she had led on. I took her to the hospital for her biopsy. She was in so much pain it was difficult to get her in the car to go. Once we got to the hospital they gave her pain medicine. I knew it wasn't good when they skipped over the regular meds and went straight to the hard stuff. Doctors never questioned her after looking at her chart. I knew the damage was severe. We went home that day and things got significantly worse. The biopsy caused bleeding. A couple days later she couldn't handle it so we took her to the ER. That was the first all night ER visit we had. They finally admitted her. Once we got the pathology results back, while she was in the hospital, we knew she had to come live with us in Houston. There wasn't really anyone to give her the care she needed in Dallas. She was diagnosed with soft tissue epithelial sarcoma. The tumor itself never spread from its original mass, but the mass itself was very fast growing. After spending a week in the hospital in Dallas they sent her with me to get treatment in Houston. We drove her to Houston and she stayed in my living room because we couldn't get her up the stairs to a bedroom. She could barely walk. We were trying to get her admitted to MD Anderson, a cancer center here in Houston, but they wouldn't admit her because she was uninsured. She couldn't work anymore so we were eventually able to get her onto a healthcare program here in Harris County Texas. She could get treatment from any Harris County healthcare facility. Anyway, after about a week living with us here in Houston, we admitted her into the hospital because she was obviously getting worse. This was the second all night ER visit we had. They finally admitted her after many hours waiting and going through more tests. She was in this hospital for a month. While here they couldn't decide what treatment options were best. At first they considered surgery because that is the only cure for Sarcoma, but no surgeon was willing to do it because the tumor was so big. Surgery would cause more damage than good. It was eventually decided to just do chemo to slow down the growth of the tumor. They did two treatments while in the hospital. While in the hospital their main goal was to get her pain under control and get her strength up enough that she could go home. After the second chemo treatment she was sent home. While in the hospital I went down and spent every day she was there with her. It was worth the hour + commute each way everyday. I loved getting to spend that time with her, knowing I wouldn't have much longer. At home it was difficult taking care of her and making sure she ate and got all of her meds taken at the right times (she was on so many!). I took her to a clinic for two outpatient chemo treatments. A couple days after the second one she started acting funny, and then got a fever. After a priesthood blessing and some rest she seemed better. A few days later she started doing the same thing. She would say things that didn't make sense. Then her fever spiked again and we knew we needed to take her to the ER (the 3rd all night ER visit, and by far the worst). Also, I was 39 weeks pregnant at this point. So we loaded her up in our car and drove her down to the hospital. On the way there she got worse really quickly. They took her back to the critical care area. About an hour later I got to go back and the doctors told me she would likely not make it through the night. I knew she wasn't going to make it through the summer, but I really thought she would make it to the baby. She had been doing okay just earlier that day. What had happened is she had pneumonia and went into septic shock. She made it through the night and was in ICU for a few days. Everyone in the family came in to visit her. 6 days later, after she was stabilized, she was sent home on hospice. Because she had a DNR there was nothing more the hospital could do. It was a miracle she made it to this point. The next day I had a doctors appointment. I wasn't progressing and was only two days away from my due date, so I asked to be induced. So the next day we went into the hospital and were induced and later that night we had our beautiful baby boy, and 24 hours after that we went home so mom could meet him. During all of this we were so blessed to have a few wonderful women give up their time to come help and stay with us to help with mom. She held on for a month before she passed away. She was able to bounce back enough to have some wonderful moments with Sam and family. When she was ready to go it went fairly fast. She stopped asking for food and we stopped giving it. She stopped being able to take pills, so we were only giving her liquid meds for pain. She was ready to go. She slipped into a semi-coma, and then a coma, and a few hours after that she passed. It was very peaceful. I was able to be with her. It was about 12:30am on the 18th of July. It was a relief when she went because she was finally out of pain. About 10 days later we had her services. They were beautiful. We decided to bless Sam at the luncheon after the funeral because all of our family was already there. It was beautiful. And I'm very glad we did it. Mom would have loved it.
Through all of this so many people sent flowers, cards, and gifts to us and mom. We also had some incredible help from family, friends, and ward members. Some came to stay for weeks, others stayed for a few hours, some brought meals. It was humbling the amount of help and love that has been given to us.
To lose both of my parents so young is difficult. I wasn't as close with my dad, and his death was anticipated. It didn't make it easy, but it wasn't like losing my mom. She'd been the one person in my life I could rely on and trust(until I met Jared). I knew she would always be there for me no matter what. For the first 20 years of my life it was just the two of us against the world. She was always the first person to drop whatever she was doing to help me. I always thought I would have her here to help me raise my children. The pain is sometimes more then I can handle. She was always the first person I called to ask for advice, tell her something exciting, or just to chat. I think the hardest part is that my children won't know her. However, it's at times like these that I'm grateful for my knowledge that families can be together forever and someday I will get to be with her again.
Now we are just trying to adjust to our life with a kid. I think about her daily, wanting so badly to tell her all about Sam's milestones and ask her questions, but then I remember that I can't. Someday I will see her again, and I can't wait for that day.

At the hospital in Houston, finally strong enough to venture outside and eat ice cream (they had a McDonals inside the hospital)

Floyd, the best therapy dog

Finally getting to meet Sam!

Grandma and Grandpa (her parents) with mom

I'm SO happy I was able to get my four generation picture!

She only wanted to look at Sam

They loved taking naps together

This is my favorite picture

It was so hot we took off his pants, because it's what we all wished we could do.

My cousin did her flowers, and they were more beautiful than I could have imagined. Mom's favorite were lavender roses.

These are only a few of the beautiful flowers that were sent

Cousins and our babies. Hopefully they will be as good of friends as we are.

This is Sam in his blessing outfit. My mom helped me pick it out, purchased it, and made this beautiful blanket behind him. It was the last blanket she made.